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For more O-mazing sex tips, check out our Greatist Guide to Sex.
Whether you’re gettin’ busy with yourself, a partner, or multiple partners, sometimes sex gets stale. From busy schedules to evolving relationships to the giant cockblock that was COVID-19, you may be in need of a sexual recharge.
Whatever you’re into, and whoever you’re into doing it with, our 10-day challenge is here to rev up your sex life A-S-A-P. Grab your calendar, and let’s begin.
Flicking the bean. Jerkin’ the gherkin. Sexy solitaire. No matter what you want to call it, masturbation is the bomb. Not only does it feel great, it’s also a fab way to get to know your body on a deeper level. This can help you better understand your sexual needs and desires solo or with partner(s).
“Masturbation is one of the absolute best things you can do for your sex life,” sex therapist Vanessa Marin says. “It can be easier to explore your sexuality on your own first, and develop that connection to your own body.”
Bonus: Self-pleasure can help you maintain a healthy sexual lifestyle. A 2009 study found that frequent vibrator use led to positive sexual function and increased sex drive in female participants. There’s also a chance masturbating on the reg can increase sexual stamina, reduce stress, and stave off blue balls. Woot!
Dr. Sara C. Flowers, vice president of education and training at Planned Parenthood Federation of America, says communication is always key during sex: “Practice talking openly about sex — including your boundaries and your sexual likes, dislikes, and desires.”
This kind of communication is even more important if you’re trying something new, so have a chat pre-sex sesh (even if it’s with yourself) to make sure everyone is on the same page. “Having these conversations is important for building trust and also making sure everyone involved feels safe and comfortable,” says Flowers.
Chatting before sex is also a good time to let your partner know why you want to spice things up.
“Emphasize that you want to try these things with your partner, because you’re excited about exploring together,” Marin says. “That helps them understand that you’re not saying you want to try new things because you hate the sex you’re currently having!”
Pro tip: Turn this chat into a type of foreplay. Let your partner know what you want to do together. Sometimes just talking about it will get you going.
Sex toys can help your orgasms hit new hot heights. The only downside is picking a winner. When it comes to toy options, the limit does not exist. This can make it hard (or at least semi-hard) to find the best one for you. While sex toys def aren’t one-size-fits-all, here are options you can give a whirl:
- wand vibrator
- stick vibrator
- G-spot vibrator
- clit suction toy
- butt plug
- anal beads
- Ben Wa balls
For peeps who have a penis
- prostate massager
- flesh light
- cock ring
- penis pump
- automatic masturbator
- butt plug
- anal beads
- Ben Wa balls
- couples vibrator
- sex dice
- sex swing
- vibrating underwear
- sex wedge pillow
- double-sided dildo
FYI: Here’s a great guide to finding the sex toy of your wet dreams.
Totally new to sex toys? Here are some tips
“Sex toys can be used during sex with partner(s) or sex with yourself! If you’ve never tried a sex toy before, using one during masturbation can be a great way to experiment,” says Flowers.
OK great, we’re in. What else do we need to know to get started?
Here’s what Flowers recommends:
- If you want to use sex toys with a partner, talk about them first. Whenever you’re having sex with someone else, everyone involved should agree on what kinds of sex you’re having. That includes talking about whether or not each person consents to using any kind of sex toy.
- Find the right type of sex toys. Because there are so many types of sex toys, finding the ones you — and your partner(s), if using them together — like best can take a few tries. Learning about different types of sex toys and what kinds of sensations they provide is a great way to think about which ones you might like best.
- Use condoms with sex toys. If you’re sharing sex toys with others, using condoms can be a great way to enjoy yourselves while lowering your chances of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Use a new condom for each new person to help prevent STIs. And switch to a new condom after any toy has been in someone’s anus to prevent poop germs from getting in other places in your body.
- Wash your sex toys and keep them clean. After each time you use a sex toy, remember to wash it. Most can be washed safely with soap and water, but be sure to read the instructions about how to clean them the right way.
Some folks dread the idea of dirty talk. But it can actually be hella hot.
“A lot of people get in their heads about dirty talk, and think they need to be perfectly good at it right from the get-go,” Marin says.
But that’s not the case! You can totes ease your way into it.
“If you want to get more comfortable with dirty talk but you’re shy, start with just making more noise in the bedroom,” she says. “As you get more and more practice, you can start saying more complex things!”
Not sure what to say? Here are some starter ideas to get you going!
- Go slow.
- That feels good.
- Tell me what to do.
- I love the way you touch me.
Just remember, say what feels right in the moment. And don’t be afraid to get creative!
Porn isn’t for everyone. And that’s totally OK! But if it is your thing, you can try adding it to your solo sex sesh or next hookup. Just be sure you pick a flick that your partner is comfortable with. Also, porn isn’t just about videos. Try looking at a vintage “dirty mag” or read some erotic fan fiction. Even if some of it feels cheesy, it can still be a fun bonding experience and a total turn on.
Skip the sex for a sec and focus on other ways to feel close to your partner(s). Some terrific tips include:
- Cook together. Cooking a meal with your partner can be surprisingly intimate. And hey, if you want to make the meal extra spicy, cook in the nude! It’s super fun and can help increase confidence. PSA: Just watch out for hot surfaces 🧑🍳.
- Give each other a massage. Break out the baby oil, fam! A massage is a magical way to make your partner feel good without an orgasm. But obvi, everyone loves a happy ending, so don’t worry if the massage turns X-rated.
- Have an old-fashioned make out sesh. Kissing doesn’t get enough credit. Making out can be sensual, intimate, and relaxing. Feel free to follow up with a spooning sesh!
- Focus on each other. A phone call mid-takeout is not hot. Turn your devices off and take the time to connect to each other.
Sometimes the opening act can be even better than the main attraction. Here are some inspo ideas:
- Take a shower or bath together. Get nice and wet as you touch each other in the warm water 💦.
- Stimulate the erogenous zones. The tops spots include the nips, lips, neck, ears, inner thigh, and butt. You can do a combo of some (or all) of these areas as you slowly work your way down town.
- Have fun with food. Have your partner lick tasty treats off your chest, stomach, and thighs. Yum.
- Take your clothes off. Remember that steamy scene from “The Notebook” where they slowly undress each other? Or better yet, undress each other.
One of the best ways to get out of a sex slump is to step out of the bedroom. Make it more memorable by doing the deed all over the house. The couch is a solid place to start, but don’t be afraid to get creative! Here are some other places to give sex a spin:
- Car. If PDAs aren’t your thing, park it in your garage or driveway.
- Kitchen. You or your partner can bend over the sink or sit up on the counter.
- Shower. Just keep in mind, you might want to invest in some sticky grips for the floor 😉.
“Trying new things in the bedroom is a phenomenal way to keep the spark alive,” Marin says. “It keeps you on your toes, it’s exciting, and it helps you see yourself and your partner in new ways.”
There are LOTS of ways you can have sex. So, put your typical sexcapades to bed for a while. Instead, start a sex position bucket list or try a position a day challenge. Even if some of them are a flop, you’ll still have a ball. It’s also a great way to add some excitement to your regular sexual arsenal.
Keep things funky fresh with:
- foot job
- hand job
- scissoring or tribbing
- nipple play
- finger bang
- dry humping
- new positions
- prostate milking
- blow jobs
Sex doesn’t have to be super serious. In fact, it’s a great way to express your playful side. Here are some fun games to get the ball rolling:
- sex dice
- naked twister
- naked pillow fight
- adult truth or dare
- naked hide-and-seek
- strip poker (or Go fish if Texas hold ’em isn’t your vibe)
The fun doesn’t have to stop with foreplay! There are lots of fun ways to get your freak on:
Lots of folks also like gamified and storyline apps like:
Sex can get boring from time to time, and that’s totally common. While it can feel frustrating, just remember, it doesn’t always have to be this way. A little exploration and some small tweaks can get you back on track to regular sexy time.