Just thinking about standing sex is enough to make our quads sore, but according to body-positive pleasure expert Carly S., founder of Dildo or Dildon’t, it doesn’t have to be an extreme sport.
“When you expand the definition of sex beyond penis-in-vagina penetration, standing sex becomes accessible to a wider range of bodies and body combos,” she says.
Standing sex may be more demanding than most positions, but there are reasons standing people love it. “It’s visually interesting and it switches things up which is exciting,” says Carly S. “It also creates tension in the pelvic floor which can make penetration (or orgasm) feel different.”
Scroll for 23 tips that take standing sex from “Not again…” to “Again! Again!”.
With perseverance and the right props, almost any sex position can become a standing sex position.
But your hip, glutes, and calves will thank you for sticking with these five.
Kneel, feel, squeal (with pleasure)
- The receiver stands with their back against the wall, genitals facing forward.
- The giver kneels before them (on a soft surface!!).
- The giver uses their hands, lips, and tongue to make their lover *make music.*
- The receiver faces the wall.
- The licker kneels behind them (on a pillow or folded blanket to eliminate potential knee discomfort!).
- The rimmee can use their hands to brace themselves on the wall, or reach back to spread their peach-cheeks.
- The receiver bends over a counter or, even better, a bathroom vanity with a mirror. “The counter gives both partner’s something to hold onto, while the mirror allows you to watch each other’s facial expressions,” says Howard.
- For extra leverage, you can incorporate a doggy strap, yoga strap or scarf.
- The receiver gets down on all fours.
- The giving partner kneels behind them and either licks, rubs, or penetrates the receiving partner’s genitals. (This position works well on the bed to cushion the knees.)
Two-footed, hand hanky-panky
- Drop or unzip both of your drawers.
- Reach between their legs while they reach between yours. (A finger vibrator or ring vibrator is a fun addition here.)
Unless you’re having standing sex in the middle of a grass field, there are gonna be things around you that you can use for leverage!
Bend over a counter/table
“Table tops, vanities, desks, and countertops are perfect for bending over and holding onto,” says Howard.
So, living situation permitting, take it to the kitchen, bathroom, dining room, or office.
Use the wall to your advantage
“The wall, furniture around you, and door frames are there for you to lean your weight on,” says Carly S. Use them!
Try the shower
You’re already standing! The clean-up will be easy-peasy! It’s private!
Just be sure to incorporate devices like:
- no-slip mats
- a shower seat(s)
“All the things you need for safe shower sex are available at your local pharmacy,” she says.
Generally speaking, toys and props are a great addition to standing play. These picks are some of our faves.
Sink into a sex sling or swing
Wish your partner could levitate without you holding them — or vice versa? Howard recommends a sex sling or swing.
A sex slings is designed to go over the door frame while a sex swing is typically a stand-alone piece of furniture.
Howard says which one you choose should depend on your:
- space restraints
“Sex swings cost a little more, have higher weight limits, and can be placed anywhere in the room,” she says. “Slings are limited to the door frame and typically have a lower weight limit.”
Clip in a panty vibrator
Knowww standing sex is on the menu for the evening? Clip in a panty vibrator. Or even better, an app-controlled panty vibrator.
“That way you’re able to touch your genitals hand-free,” says Howard.
Pull out a wand vibrator
“A wand gives you a long handle to navigate to any part of your body,” says Carly S.
Want your partner to stimulate your clit? Hand ‘em a wand vibe. Want to massage their back? Again, wand vibe!
Bop in a butt plug
Like bootie plugs during horizontal sex? Carly S. says they can feel even more intense when you’re standing up.
“The more curved the plug is, the more you’ll be able to feel it when you twist and thrust during sex,” she says.
Kink-ify the scene with a St. Andrews Cross
Bondage crosses spread your legs, while also keeping your weight fully supported. (Here’s a visual).
“If you’ve got the space for them, they’re a great way to make standing play easier on your leg muscles,” says Carly S.
Before we get into Good Sex: The Standing Sex Edition, let’s start with Good Sex 101.
Prioritize your emotional sexual health
You’ve heard the saying: “Sex is like pizza, even if it’s not great, it’s still pretty good.”
This is horse-shit.
No matter the position, if the hanky-packing you’re having is leading to squabbles, strife, stress, or otherwise interfering with your emotional health it’s not just “not good”— it’s actually doing harm.
Your move: Only have sex if you want to. And when you do, communicate your needs/wants and allocate enough time and energy for pre-care and aftercare.
Have solo sex
“Masturbating can help you better understand what turns you on,” explains Texas-based sex educator Goody Howard. “This gives you the power to turn yourself on, and the tools you need to communicate what turns you on to future-partners.”
Plus, masturbating is healthy! Research shows it can:
- lower your blood pressure
- relieve stress
- promote mental clarity
- ease cramps
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
The ability to express what is — and what is not — doing it for you when you’re doing it, is paramount for pleasure.
To become better at communicating your needs in the bedroom, Carly S. recommends practicing asking for what you need *out* of the bedroom.
Would you rather watch CNN than Fox? Ask for the remote. Can’t get warm? See if your partner’s OK with you turning up the heat.
Over time, this will empower you to communicate things such as, “I need more lube” and “Can you switch back to the angle you were using before.”
Or, during standing sex, “My legs are getting tired can we take it to the bed?”
An acronym for bondage/discipline, submission/dominance, and sadism/masochism, BDSM refers to a wideeee variety of erotic play.
Including, to name just a few:
- wearing a blindfold
- exploring sensation using a Wartenberg pinwheel or feather
- dirty talk
- hair pulling
For standing sex, Carly S. recommends trying a type of BDSM called predicament bondage.
“You might have your partner stand, holding a full glass of water while you give them oral,” she says. “If they let any of the water fall onto the floor, you punish them with a pre-negotiated punishment.” For instance, a 10-spank spanking.
Have Q’s about how to explore BDSM safely? Hit up our BDSM Beginner Guide.
Expand your understanding of sex
“Foreplay” is out, an expanded definition of sex is in! Moving forward, sex is any meaningful act of pleasure — not just penetration.
“When you’re exploring other types of pleasure before moving onto penetrative sex acts — if you choose to do so — this helps the body prepare for pleasure via penetration” says Howard.
“If the body doesn’t have a chance to prepare first, penetration isn’t going to be as pleasurable,” she says.
As she puts it, “You can’t make cookies without preheating the oven.”
Some nonpenetrative acts you might consider:
- nipple play
- perineum play
- dirty talk
Standing sex doesn’t require a gym membership to pull off. There are tons of toys, tips, and variations that can take the effort out of a vertical pleasure session. Some examples include using the furniture to your advantage (hello countertop, can I rest my booty on you?), bringing oral sex into the mix, and investing in a sex swing.
Remember, sex isn’t about achieving athletically impressive shapes or mimicing the sex you see on t.v. So if standing while you try to get off feels like it wasn’t meant to be, don’t force it!