It isn’t easy being green. It isn’t easy being dairy- or gluten-free either—let alone both. Sure, there’s an increasing amount of delicious food options and a wealth of information about the health benefits of both, but that doesn’t mean they’re widely accepted. Restaurants are still learning how to accommodate allergies and dietary restrictions, and not everyone is educated on the topic. Because of that, people who require (or prefer) a specific way of eating often come across situations that make them want to laugh, cry, scream, or celebrate—sometimes all at the same time.
If you’re gluten-free or dairy-free—or have ever been on any sort of restricted diet—we’re pretty sure you’ll recognize a few of these moments.
1. When someone asks you how you live without gluten and insists they couldn’t survive a day without it.
“Those are actually gluten-free crackers you’re eating. You’ll be fine.”
2. When you find a dairy-free ice cream that’s actually creamy.
“Dreams DO come true!”
3. When your friend complains about being gluten intolerant while drinking their second beer.
“Yep, you definitely have celiac.”
4. When you order something gluten-free and your friend lectures you about how gluten intolerance is a sham.
“Try having searing pains in your stomach and foggy brain for hours and then talk to me.”
5. When you tell your friend you stopped eating gluten and they ask if you’re on a diet.
“Not everything is about weight loss. UGH.”
6. When you go to a beer garden and there’s a huge selection of ciders.
*does a happy dance* *can’t stop happy dancing*
7. When your barista gives you a whole-milk latte instead of the almond-milk one you asked for.
“Looks like I’m not the only one who needs coffee this morning.” *dramatic eye roll*
8. When it’s bagel day at the office and the team (yet again) claims they forgot you don’t eat dairy or gluten.
“Well maybe I should just forget to come to work tomorrow. Amiright?!”
If you thought nut milks were a game changer, wait ’til you try this dairy-free beverage. Baileys Almande—which also happens to be gluten-free and vegan—is a light-tasting liqueur that uses real almond milk made from sweet almond oil and almond essence, cane sugar, and purified water with a touch of vanilla. It’s light-tasting, delicious, and equally great over ice or in a cocktail.
9. When you trick your friend into eating gluten-free pizza and they don’t even notice.
*evil cackle* “Some things are better left unsaid.”
10. When coffee shops charge extra for soy and almond milk but dairy milk is free.
“What is this, 1990?”
11. When your favorite bagel shop starts carrying tofu and lox cream cheese.
“Stop it; you shouldn’t have! For little ol’ me?!”
12. When you reveal you’re gluten-free on a first date and they say they are too.
“Love at first sight? Try love at first bite.”
13. When people say a life without cheese isn’t worth living.
14. When gluten-free bread is so hard you think you’re going to break a tooth (or your jaw) while eating it.
“There has to be a better way.”
15. When someone brings treats to the office and leaves a gluten- and dairy-free cookie on your desk.
16. When you order a dairy-free breakfast and the waiter asks if you want cheese.
“Is that a real question?”
17. When the gluten-free bread doesn’t crumble while you’re eating a sandwich.
“BRB, I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
18. When you tell your flight attendant you’re allergic to gluten and they give you another bag of peanuts and a half-hearted smile.
*gritted teeth smile* “Thanks, but no thanks.”
19. When you go to a restaurant that has a ton of gluten-free options that aren’t just salads.
“Yes, yes, yes, and YES.”
20. When you asked for a burrito without cheese, take a bite, and it’s oozing with cheese.
“NO MEANS NO.”
21. When you notice your parents started buying almond milk instead of dairy milk, even though they’d made fun of you for drinking it in the past.
“So this is how it felt all those times you said, ‘I told you so.’”
22. When you can’t keep up with whether or not your friend is gluten-free.
“Do your gut a favor and make up your mind.”
23. When you make a cauliflower crust and it doesn’t break into a hundred pieces or look like mush.
“Top Chef, here I come!”
24. When your favorite ice cream shop starts a vegan line and it’s even better than the original.
“So this is what happiness feels like.”
25. When your office stocks only whole milk and half-and-half and says if you want something else, you can buy it yourself.
What I say: “Totally understand!” What I think: “I quit.”
When Baileys *finally* comes out with a gluten-free, dairy-free version.
*raised hands emoji*