How’s this for holiday cheer? A Santa in North Carolina reportedly told a 9-year-old boy, “Lay off the hamburgers and french fries.” While the comment is laughably ironic coming from Santa (he eats milk and cookies all night long), it’s also all sorts of messed up—and it reminds us of a bigger problem too.

There’s no escaping sweets around the holidays (not that we’d want to). And we all seem to have that family member who takes it upon themselves to ask us, “Do you really want seconds?” Saying something that makes others feel guilty about how much (or little) they eat only makes things worse. If you’re legitimately concerned about a relative’s health, bring it up one-on-one, not at the dinner table. You can bet if anyone asks us if we really need that second piece of pie, they’ll get a piece of our minds too.