In the world of hetero sex, there’s often much ado about penis size. But the truth is that bigger isn’t always better, and you can totally educate yourself on bedroom antics that are well-suited to how you and your partner fit uniquely together. Remember, friends: Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to orgasms!
In my quest to uncover the best activities between the sheets for straight couples on either side of the size spectrum (whether a big or small penis is involved), I reached out to Kait Scalisi, MPH, sex educator and the founder of PassionbyKait.com.
She offered the following advice for new things to try in bed that will make the most of your partner’s size:
1. Try modified missionary if you wish he were bigger.
If you’re happy in your relationship but find yourself hungry for an extra inch or two, Scalisi suggests trying a twist on standard missionary that allows for deeper sensation (even with someone on the smaller side).
Prop your hips up on a stack of pillows or a sex pillow, like this one from Liberator, then place your legs straight up to rest on your partner’s chest and shoulders, or bend your knees with feet flat in more of a supported bridge pose to feel more full.
2. If you wish he were smaller, give spooning a go.
Despite the macho bill of goods we’re sold in our patriarchal society, it’s not all sunshine and lollipops just because your man has a large penis. If not handled correctly, too much length or girth can actually prove problematic and painful. If you’re partnered up with someone who is packing, Scalisi recommends going for positions that require a little bit more reach.
Spooning is a great option because the penetrating partner has to curve through the receptive partner’s legs and genitals before entering. Or, alternatively, cowgirl sitting up—either in a chair or against a wall or headboard—not only puts you in control but also pulls his pelvis down a little, making it feel as if there’s less to take in.
3. Either way, give more time to foreplay…
We tend to rank sex acts with intercourse being at the top, even though most women don’t experience orgasm from penetration alone. However, Scalisi dispels that notion as more cultural conditioning than anything like set-in-stone fact.
She also issues the critical, but too-often-neglected reminder that most women with vulvas are more likely to experience orgasm from oral sex, which goes to show that when it comes down to it, size isn’t that important.
So don’t be size-ist! You can enjoy all sorts of sex together, regardless of where he’s at on the penile spectrum, and then try intercourse positions that work best with your geometry. There’s so much orgasmic fun to be had from licking, sucking, and rubbing that non-penetrative sex shouldn’t ever feel like a consolation prize.
4. … and always consider incorporating toys.
Scalisi recommends the We-Vibe Sync as a great option for sex with a smaller penis. One arm goes inside to stimulate your G-spot (and adds just a little girth), while the other arm stimulates either the clitoris or perineum. Every time your partner thrusts, they’ll press the inner arm up, giving your G-spot a little extra love.
And check this out: The Fin by Dame turns your partner’s hands into a vibrator—meaning it adds the sensation you crave as a supplement to any type of sexy time. Have him use it to stimulate your clitoris during doggy style (or while you’re on top).
Or simply have him use a dildo on you, which can allow you to act out double penetration, even if you’re monogamous.
5. Pump it up—literally.
Cock rings like the Je Joue Mio are a perfect choice for plumping up a smaller penis—and the vibrating kind feel amazing for everyone involved. But Scalisi warns against leaving them on for more than 20-30 minutes (here’s where to learn more about how to use them).
6. Start small for anal sex.
It’s safe to say there are definite benefits to having a smaller partner when it comes to anal. As Scalisi notes, the cardinal rule is to start small—about the size of one finger—and work your way up over time. In this case, a smaller penis is helpful early on, as it may allow you to enjoy anal intercourse sooner than someone whose partner is particularly well-endowed.
For bigger penises, follow the rule and start with smaller toys, like the Tantus Silk, working your way up to your partner’s size.
And just remember, embracing the old cliché—size doesn’t matter, it’s all about how you use it—will take you to ecstatic places, as long as you’re willing to get creative!