When it comes to flirting, everyone has different techniques that work for them. Seduction isn’t a one-size-fits-all type of situation, and what one person finds sexy might be a major turnoff for someone else (and vice-versa). But here are some classic seduction techniques that rarely (read: never) result in romance.

1. The eyebrow game

Are you trying to get me in bed or make me nauseated?

2. The suggestive dance

Unless you’ve got the dance floor grace of Zoe Kravitz in Big Little Lies, “Do you like my moves?” probably isn’t going to work.

3. Dripping with water

It’s not really sexy, just cold and wet. And water’s like the anti-lube, too, so even if things go well… they can’t go THAT well.

4. The sexy hair flip

Not even Alicia Silverstone can get this one right.

5. The flirty wink

I… are you OK? Did you just have a stroke?

6. Asking rapid-fire questions

Just because it’s framed as an interrogative doesn’t mean it’ll start a conversation.

7. The lip lick

Are you suitably enticed? You should be. I found a Cheetos crumb.

8. Whipped cream in all the wrong places

It melts so fast.

9. Coming on too strong

Let the tension build, friend.

Amy Mackelden is currently developing a show called MS Is My Boyfriend, about what multiple sclerosis is really like. Follow her on Twitter @AmyMackelden.