9 Behaviors That Make Someone Totally Irresistible

“Julia has a certain type of magic, doesn’t she?” I heard a co-worker say over margaritas a few years ago. Julia’s side hustle as a writer had recently taken off, she was in a loving relationship, all the managers adored her (her next promotion was inevitable) and, well … we adored her too. 

You’d think there would be a pang of envy when we contemplated Julia’s awesomeness. But there wasn’t. It was just affection. From everyone. Why? Because Julia was irresistible. To everyone (or so it seemed). You probably know a Julia or two yourself. 

Here are some qualities that alluring people possess that over easy to overlook and impossible to resist:

1. They are nice to you

An ego, simply put, ain’t sexy. When someone is sizing you up, one-upping your achievements or grossly overstating their success, it has the opposite effect the person wants it to. The most likeable people have no heirs and graces. They’re delightfully comfortable in their own skin and it shows up as kindness.

2. They know their worth

Nicole Moore, Love Coach and founder of Love Works Method says that attractive people have an attitude of, “I know what I’m offering and it’s valuable.” This can appear in a quiet, yet resolute, confidence. She also suggests owing what she refers to as a power attribute – which you can simplify into your own, unique word. Are you brainy? Witty? Soulful? Sexy? Nurturing? Playful? Knowing your worth (and your word) is your power.

3. They make you feel comfortable

Ever notice how when you are in the presence of people who make you feel relaxed and able to be yourself, you just blossom? Irresistible people give us the comfort and space to be who we are. They don’t try and change us. Because they look for the good in people they can’t help but draw it out, too.

4. They stay away from drama and negativity

There is nothing appealing about pessimistic, downbeat types. As energetically we cannot help but mirror those around us, it’s the uplifters that we naturally gravitate towards. We seek them out. We invite them to meetings. To parties, To coffee. They cause us to linger around them. Because we can’t help but enjoy their affirmative vibes.

5. They elevate others

Irresistible humans love to give compliments. They share the credit. They are quick to say a kind word and even help out. Life is not war. We are all in this together. Irresistible people want to make every experience pleasurable for everyone involved.

6. They collaborate versus compete

Recently I was at a breakfast full of entrepreneurial women. In a heartbeat, you could tell who was eyeing one another up with an aggressive “who’s who here?” vibration versus those who were simply and enthusiastically introducing themselves to others. 

The latter group were eager to learn about the individuals they were meeting. They had open smiles, warm body language and an inquisitive nature. I learned later that two of the warmest and most sincerely passionate women within the group also happened to have the highest growth businesses. Thanks, in large part, to partnerships with other people like them. Surprise, surprise. 

7. They are not afraid to be vulnerable

There is nothing more isolating than conveying faux strength and wearing armor all day (isn’t that exhausting)? Since moving to New York I really noticed this. When meeting new people, I realized many people don’t talk topics that really matter. Whenever I bring up my early divorce, my late father or modest upbringing, people often can’t help but open to me too, because we all secretly want to make deeper, sincere connections with others. 

Connection has nothing to do with exotic vacations or million-dollar career stories – it’s about being secure enough to talk about tougher parts of life too. Because we all have them. 

8. They accentuate their strengths

And as a result, they use words with intention. They use statements like, “I love, I do, I can” versus “I should, I try, I don't know.”  When you use stronger, more intentional language, it impacts your mood, your confidence and how other people perceive you. What you focus on expands too. And irresistible people focus on what works for them and play up their talents versus complain or worry about their weaknesses.

9. They make an effort

Irresistible people make an effort to look presentable. To do the research before a meeting. To bring a gift when they visit a person’s home. This does not require overthinking! And it doesn’t have to be perfect. But the effort is noticeable. And it’s lovely. It encourages us to a do things with a little more effort to, too. 

Susie Moore is Greatist's life coach columnist and a confidence coach in New York City. Sign up for free weekly wellness tips on her website and check back every Tuesday for her latest No Regrets column!