Wouldn’t it be nice to get a text alert from your body letting you know if you’re pregnant or not? A simple little “Your baby is on its way” or “Track baby now” would be great.

Too bad for us, not only are our bodies’ signals not super clear, but they also come at snail-mail speeds.

But there are a handful of signs you can look for that might indicate you’re expecting. Keeping track of them is a great start, but keep in mind that a pregnancy test (followed by an official test at your doctor’s office) is the only way to know for sure.

For the record, your first week of pregnancy officially begins with the date of your last missed period. Think of this as week 1 even though you’re not actually pregnant yet. (Talk about weird science.)

1. Tender tatas

Sounds familiar, right? So many of these early pregnancy symptoms mimic period symptoms. (This pattern only continues, so hold onto your butts boobs.)

But odds are if you’re pregnant, the girls will probably be even more sore than during your run-of-the-mill PMS. They can tingle, swell, and generally just beat you up.

When to expect it: Weeks 4 to 6 (aka a week or two after conception)

2. Increased body temp

An increased basal body temp is another little clue your body is working overtime. If you’re feeling warmer than usual — waking up in a puddle of sweat, for example — it could be a symptom of pregnancy.

Pro tip: Make sure you’re downing plenty of water and using caution during your workouts to compensate for your increased body temperature and all that extra sweating.

When to expect it: Roughly week 6

3. Body aches (not just after the gym)

Between the backaches and the cramps, you may think you’re just PMSing, but this could also mean your uterus is prepping and stretching, making room for a baby.

When to expect it: Weeks 1 to 4

4. Spotting

You may think your bod is doing you a favor with a nice easy period, but it could also mean a fertilized egg made itself comfortable in the lining of your uterus.

This is known as implantation bleeding, and it can be mistaken for an easy-breezy period.

Some signs you’re dealing with implantation bleeding are:

  • a change in blood color (it can be brown, pink, or red)
  • light bleeding (noticeable only when wiping)
  • possible pain (again, sounds like a period)
  • shorter bleeding time (usually only 3 days)

Pro tip: Spotting is a less common sign — around 75 percent of women never experience it. But if you do, it’s best to put down the ciggies, booze, and drugs since they can cause heavy bleeding, among other issues.

When to expect it: Weeks 1 to 4

5. ZZZzzzZZZ

That raised basal temp combined with a busy uterus means you’re knocked TF out. If you feel sleepier than usual or fatigued, you could have a baby on board.

When to expect it: Weeks 4 to 5

6. Speedy heart rate

Your heart needs to send extra oxygen to your uterus, so this makes her tick a little faster. The uptick could also be responsible for some of that sleepiness we were talking about.

When to expect it: Weeks 8 to 10

7. New nips

Down the road, in addition to overall bigger boobs, you can expect a nipple makeover — changes in color (they usually get darker) and size (they usually get bigger).

When to expect it: Week 11

8. Motion sickness

OK, so you probably won’t know morning sickness in all her glory until you’re well into your first trimester, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get acquainted sooner.

Thanks to a couple of hormones called progesterone and human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), nausea can start pretty much right away.

If chill car rides have become miserable battles with your stomach, pregnancy could be the cause. About 80 percent of women experience this thrill ride (ugh).

Pro tips:

  • Snack on some saltines before you get up in the morning.
  • Once again, H2O is your BFF. Stay hydrated!

When to expect it: Weeks 4 to 6

9. Moody with a chance of bitchy

OK, you knew this one was coming. Your rising levels of estrogen and progesterone can make you feel a bit more sensitive than usual (read: irritable, reactive, even depressed).

Not sure if it’s a symptom of pregnancy or just an off day? Keep a journal to suss out any patterns.

When to expect it: Week 6

10. Gotta go, like, now

When you’re pregnant, your bod is pumping more blood than usual, making your kidneys process more fluid. As if that’s not enough, hormone changes can mess with your bladder too.

Add it all together and this may mean you’re running to the bathroom more often or experiencing leaks.

When to expect it: Week 4 to 6

11. Feeling woozy or overly clumsy

If your blood pressure is usually normal or high, it has the potential to drop early in pregnancy. This can make you feel dizzy since it makes your blood vessels dilate.

When to expect it: Week 8

12. Your clothes are on the snug side

You already know that if you’re preggo, the pounds are on their way. But you may not know that it can happen even early on.

If you haven’t abandoned your normal routines for a life of eating cheesecake (one can dream, right?), your new little one could be responsible for the weight gain.

When to expect it: Week 11

13. Pepe le Pee-Yewww

Research shows that pregnant women are hella sensitive to smell. You may find yourself wrinkling your nose at scents that never bothered you before. This may also turn you off to certain foods thanks to their heightened smell.

Pro tip: Jot down your smell triggers so you can avoid them at all costs.

When to expect it: Generally in your first trimester

14. Glowing skin

That pregnancy glow is not a myth. But it’s not exactly a J-Lo glow either.

It actually just means more oil. This increase in oil production is due to higher hormone levels and increased blood volume, which push more blood through your vessels.

If you’re noticing more shine than usual, pregnancy could be to blame.

When to expect it: Week 12

15. Pimples on pimples

Don’t shoot the messenger, but that preggo glow can lead to acne. More oil plus fluctuating hormones is the perfect cocktail for clogged pores and bonus breakouts.

When to expect it: Week 11

16. Heartburn with a vengeance

Hormones can cause the valve between your stomach and your esophagus to loosen, making it easier for stomach acid to leak and giving you some nasty heartburn.

Pro tips:

  • Try to break up your meals into smaller portions throughout the day.
  • Don’t lie down after eating (although it’s so tempting). Sitting straight up for an hour after a meal will give it a better chance to digest.

When to expect it: Week 9

17. Whatever floats your bloat

Just like PMS, being pregnant means being bloated (boo!). But it can also mean constipation, since hormone changes can meddle with your digestive system, slowing it down — which, yes, means even more bloating.

When to expect it: Weeks 4 to 6

18. Doughnut, please. Make it two… or three

Another pesky PMS symptom in disguise. Your hard-working bod will probably ask you for extra carbs, even early in pregnancy. Keep track of any unusual cravings, as they could be a telltale sign.

When to expect it: Your first trimester

Your body may be giving you all the clues in the world, but there’s only one way to know what’s up. At-home pregnancy tests are available on the cheap at almost any store or pharmacy. You can pick one up as casually as you would a pack of gum.

These clever little sticks are checking on the aforementioned pregnancy hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG).

hCG is off and running when a fertilized egg grabs onto your uterine wall, typically about 6 days after fertilization. hCG levels increase quickly at the start of pregnancy, doubling every 2 to 3 days in the first trimester.

All that said, the rule of thumb is to wait a week after your missed period to take a test. Generally, your hCG levels won’t be high enough to test positive until 1 to 2 weeks after you got freaky-deaky.

When to take your test

The best time to test is first thing in the morning, before you’ve had anything to eat or drink. Your pee will be the most concentrated in the a.m., and if there’s any hCG in there, it will be at its highest in the morning too.

Hurry up and wait

The last thing you want is a false result, which is why Planned Parenthood suggests waiting until 3 weeks after the likely conception date to test.

But if you just can’t wait that long, getting a blood test done at your doctor’s office has the potential to speed things up a bit (7 to 12 days after possible conception).

Taken together, these signs can at least give you a heads-up that it may be a good time to look into testing (if you’ve missed your period).

You can pick up a test and find out at home 1 to 3 weeks after the possible conception date, or head to your doc so they can test your blood to possibly find out sooner.