Huge Freakin’ Arms. Lean and Sexy NOW. Hard GrainyMuscle. Great April Fools’ titles for a fitness site, right? Nope, these are actual headlines from real publications. So while you probably won’t encounter animals with abs in nature, there are hundreds of magazine covers featuring chiseled human midsections being worshiped as the standard of fitness and beauty. Never mind if those abs are on professional fitness models — they’re fit, darn it, and in one week, you can be just like them!

But when it comes down to it, fitness, health, and happiness are rarely so easy. If we found a one-size-fits-all plan for instant fitness and boundless energy, we would have written, tweeted, and screamed about it until our voices were hoarse. Yesterday’s content was our way of poking a little fun at a space that’s sometimes too quick to give the tips without the facts. And while there are many passionate individuals working to help us make healthier choices every day, there’s still a ton of room for improvement.

Without our normal research and editorial process, these parodies were really easy to write. But at Greatist, we like to do things the hard way — April 1 notwithstanding, of course. Every article cites scientific studies and is verified by experts, all to inspire and inform readers to make their own better choices. In today’s busy world, it’s more tempting than ever to take shortcuts. But until studies prove two minutes of crunches will make us taller, create world peace, and give us the ability to dunk, we’ll keep combing the research and delivering only the most accurate and relatable information out there. Because we think you deserve it.