Health makes you do crazy things. Like putting a whole garden’s worth of kale in your morning smoothie, snacking on collagen, and souping so many foods you start to wonder if you even need teeth anymore. But beneath those fortified skin and hair cells, we know there’s a real human being inside who sometimes simply cannot when it comes to health trends. For the most part, she rolls her eyes and waits for you to feed her cake while you pretend to enjoy all those “good-for-you” foods.
But TBH, eating shouldn’t be so soulless and unsatisfying. Our friends at Chilly Cow couldn’t agree more, which is why they created a great-tasting light ice cream. Because if there’s one thing we can’t stand for, it’s tasteless dessert.
So let’s give the microphone back to your inner cake girl for just a second—we’re going to talk about the health trends you might secretly think are kind of blah.
Italian for dinner? Or maybe Thai? “A perfect night for zoodles!” you find yourself saying manically, night after night. But we know. We see the vacancy in your eyes as you slowly spiralize that turnip. We’ll admit to eating our share of veggie noodles, but sometimes we miss the days when pasta wasn’t a vegetable.
2. Diet Ice Cream
You’ve tasted protein-powder ice cream that your childhood self would throw on the ground. You spooned up an entire carton of the low-cal variety and felt only emptiness. Why bother? Save yourself from fake desserts you only half enjoy. Chilly Cow is made with ultra-filtered milk and contains less fat and sugar than regular ice cream but still tastes legit.
3. Chia Seeds
All the food bloggers are singing the praises of chia seed pudding, but let’s be honest: Pudding it is not. When you pour chia seeds into your overnight oats, suddenly your oatmeal looks like tiny frog eggs. You still eat it, of course, but with the strange feeling you’ve just consumed a second-grade science experiment.
4. Avocado Toast
Deep down, you know it’s criminal to pay $20 for a slice of bread and greenish mush. But you live in a world where avocado propaganda is rampant (guilty) and allegiance to the superfood is required. (You don’t love avocados more than you love your firstborn child? Bye.) If you’re really being honest, you know you want cereal with dairy (!) milk instead.
5. Activated Charcoal Lemonade
It seems like all fitness gurus swear by this murky black drink. But you can’t help but feel like this is probably what would be served at a happy hour for Dementors. There’s a chance you might be drinking someone else’s soul, but the barista swears it’s detoxing, so you’ll take the risk.
You know it’s good for your gut. But your gut is telling you to WALK AWAY from that unidentified clump (apparently, known as SCOBY?!) hanging out at the bottom of the bottle. By the way, there are how many microbes living in this bottle? Oh, well, in that case, bottoms up! *Shudders*
7. Wellness Shots
You’ve been told those tiny juice shots cure everything from colds to hangovers to terrible personalities. But they taste just as bad as the cheap vodka shots you took in college and are way less fun. Nevertheless, you do what you have to do to get it down, which ironically involves taking an actual shot just to work up the courage.