There’s too much Internet—including the things we never knew about Oreos —and too little time. That’s why we curate a list of the best of the best (aka “the Greatist”) things we’ve come across on the Web this week. In other words, it’s the stuff we’d email/gchat/tweet/text you immediately if we were besties. While we’ll never stop striving to bring our readers amazing content on a daily basis, we know not all the best stuff comes from us.

1. Vegetables: Are They the New Bacon? (The Washington Post)

Orange is the new black. Strong is the new skinny. And vegetables are the new bacon. We’ll wait for you to pick your jaw off the floor. Famed chef José Andrés is trading in pork for portobellos and opening up a vegetable-focused fast-casual restaurant (think: a more vegetarian Chipotle). If Andrés gets his wish, we’ll turn into a nation of Popeyes.

2. The Visual Trick That Makes Running Easier (Refinery 29)

Those golden arches you’ve been eyeing mid-run are actually a lot farther away than they seem. And that kind of optical illusion is just the trick to make you run faster. (That and the stronger smells of french fries.) But you don’t have to train your gaze on your favorite fast food joint for this to work. Researchers at NYU found that looking at any fixed object in the distance does the trick.

3. This Chart Will Help You Choose the Perfect Wine to Pair With Your Halloween Candy (The Kichn)

Come October, there are two staples that everyone should have at home: wine and candy. They may not seem like a natural pair, but lucky for us, our friends over at the Kitchn have done the difficult work of suggesting wine pairings for all of your favorite candy, from Starburst to Snickers.

4. What’s Your Fitness Age? (The New York Times)

The candles on the cake say 25, but you might be pushing 30 in fitness years. For years, Norwegian researchers have been studying patients’ fitness ages, and it turns out that they’re a better predictor of your mortality than your birth certificate. Your fitness age is typically determined by running a series of treadmill tests to determine how your body takes in and uses oxygen. The results are then compared with what’s expected for someone in your age group.

5. Why You Should Put Less Effort Into Your Online-Dating Messages (Science of Us)

Twitter has revolutionized journalism, politics, and now your love life. We’re not talking romance (er, flirting) via social media, but ever since Twitter hit the scene, most of us have been sending 140-character-or-less messages on online dating sites, too. And perhaps more shocking: The data from OkCupid shows that we’re prone to send the same message to multiple potential suitors. If your pickup line ain’t broke, why fix it? Stop worrying if “hey” is too casual or if an exclamation point sounds too excited. Just hit copy and paste.