We may think people who turn to Tinder when they’re in a relationship or cheat IRL do so because they’re not satisfied in the sheets (or just plain malicious), but psychology has a different answer. As this video from The School of Life explains, relationships are all about balancing closeness and distance. If your relationship leans toward one extreme—spending every waking moment together orbeing super distant—you (and your partner) are more likely to cheat, since you crave whatever is missing.

We’re not excusing infidelity or claiming this is the only reason people cheat, but it’s a good reminder that we shouldn’t be afraid to tell our partners we’d like some space or some more cuddle time.