You come home from an especially bad day at work—you were just passed over for a promotion again—and all you want to do is vent. So you unleash a long-winded rant saying the world isn’t fair, your boss is out to get you, and your co-workers aren’t even half as smart as you. Your partner listens, but they aren’t as empathetic as you want. (They didn’t give you a nice, warm hug. They didn’t say everything would be OK.) So now you’re furious with them.

But deep down, you know it’s not really their fault. This video from The School of Life dives into the psychology behind this blame game and shows that these kinds of fights aren’t necessarily signs that your relationship is on the rocks.

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