At Greatist we’ll be the first to admit that some fitness fads are, well, just that. So when we arrived at TS Fitness to a no-frills second floor studio touted for functional training, I think we all let out a collective sigh of relief. No chanting. No awkward dance routines. And no camera crews. (Since the local networks stormed our BeFitNYC Tabata class, we’ve definitely got our guard up…)

TS Fitness But it was clear we were in good hands with Noam Tamir, the owner of the Upper East Side studio. After warning us to keep our water bottles close at hand, he swiftly demoed the 10 exercises in his “Total Sculpt” circuit. The routine utilized a combination of SI bands, kettlebells and TRX suspension — not quite as effortless as it might seem.

Some of the highlights: mastering each exercise only to learn the “progression” — “Now one arm…,” “one leg…,” resulting in some of the best stank faces this side of the East River. There may have even been a “no arms, no legs” iteration (sorry Collin!). But from station to station, the moves all served a purpose, incorporating acceleration, stabilization and deceleration. Ahhh.

The best part? The impromptu post-workout massages—with a converted jackhammer drill? Completely bizarre, and totally badass. Ask Noam for the hookup.

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