We love all things fresh and sustainable, but our definition of "healthy" and the government's don't always line up. Which is what makes Funny or Die’s latest video—in which Nick Offerman picks pizza off trees (“If it’s on a plant, it’s good for you. Who cares how it got there?”)—so amusing. The short, sponsored by the American Heart Association, is patently absurd and painfully real. Now we'd like a piece of celery, please. Hold the staples.

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